There was a time when I knew the relationship I was in just wasn’t going to work out. My heart strayed.
It may have only been emotional at first, but I did it. What I didn’t do was run home and tell. No guilt, just eventually got the hell out.
Why in the heck cheat, and then feel guilty enough to pull a Honey Tell All?
Own it. Own it in a way that you never go there. I rarely wrap my head around doing anything in life that I would feel guilty about. And I’m hardly perfect.
Think about something you’ve been told in the past that has, for you, a very strong emotional component. Where is it now? “KEEPER”file, right?
HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
1. You were caught off guard (possibly drunk). You were approached, and couldn’t think fast enough to say thanks, but no thanks.
2. You’ve been fantasizing about this same “other” person for so long that this person has leased a home in your mind. How can you not approach them?
3. You don’t feel like you’re getting “dessert” at home, so you become convinced “stepping out” will make you feel better equipped to cope until the dry spell is over.
[Bunk} by the way.
What Could You Possibly Expect to Gain by Coming Clean?
Seriously, have you completely gone off the rails? Your partner is clueless at the moment you get up the nerve to share. You on the other hand, have been practicing your spiel for however long. In your haste to get this confession over with, you blurt it out. You may even make your partner take most if not all the blame in the telling.
Honey Tell All…are you kidding me…
Did you really tell ALL anyway? Have you relayed ALL the juicy details? I seriously doubt it. Your guilt won’t let you share those. Why not? Because after you have told ALL, you’ve ruined any chance of reliving the “cummy” episode when you need a do-over fantasy fix.
What Do You Expect to Happen After?
I’m certain you have it all worked out. After all, you’ve given a great deal of thought to the outcome y-o-u need.
I suspect you think you know your spouse so well that you’re delusion. You see forgiveness in the near future.
[Whew! Close huh?]
Why Would You Tell Your Spouse in the First Place?
1. You believe telling will keep you from doing it again?
[No discipline here huh?!]
2. You really want to work on your lopsided relationship, and you believe this oops will get the ball rolling – FAST!!!
[Sucking Teeth Here]
3. You can’t stand the ‘cheating guilt’ one minute longer. You feel that your spouse is a good person, and deserves better.
[Study 1 & 2]
Women said they would feel guiltier after falling in love with someone. Men said they would feel guiltier having sex without emotion rather than love without sex, even with a one-night stand.
Both men and women think it would be harder for their significant other to forgive sexual, as opposed to emotional infidelity. Women —not men — say that they’d be more likely to leave if they found out their partner was sleeping with someone else.
[Dr. Trina Read relates her experience]
This question all started when my husband I and were listening to an interviewee talking about why he felt cheating was healthy for a relationship. Both of us have had ex-partners who’ve cheated on us and my husband first said, “It’s just better not to tell.” I was like, WTF? Of course you have to tell. You’ve done the deed and you need to come clean.” A toe-to-toe fight ensued about the reasons why, or why not, someone should confess. Both of us felt passionate and had solid reasoning which created a debate stalemate.
Some researchers said there’s a 50–50 chance today that one partner will have an affair during marriage, including non-physical relationships. Other experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater time spent away from the relationship.
Digging deeper into the topic, I found that “telling” is a highly complex and personal matter. Ethically, there are two camps: the good and the right.
“Good” camp – you may feel it best to not mention your indiscretion if you feel that your relationship would be better off.
“Right” camp – believes right is right, wrong is wrong, and therefore you must tell your spouse about what you did.
If you decide not to tell, you will have to live with the guilt. One day, discovery is imminent.
While that’s a personal decision, the simplest solution is to not cheat and avoid the conundrum.